Not what I had expected….

Tracy let me know today that my website wasn’t working. I’ve had problems with bandwidth being sucked up, and she found the problem. An old unused installation of Movable Type that I had completely forgotten about had some sort of security hole. And now it can be fixed.

Ironically… just when I’m starting to blog regularly again.

I’ve decided not to use Expression Engine anymore - too hard for me to design for and update. And if I’m not using a directory of files… it’s going to be deleted. On either of my websites (I am now moving musicals in my head over to the same server). I’m going to figure out how to get my entries out, but will probably lose the comments. It’s going to take quite awhile to get the sites looking okay again too.

I'm bored out of my tree

1. What is one thing you don't like about your body?

My GUT. It has improved a bit in the past 2 1/2 years since I started working out. I guess I'm just not meant to have washboard abs.

2. What are two things you love about your body?

My and my quads. (you know where to find boob pics if you really wanna see)

3. What are three things you want to change about your home?

I'd make it look all Shabby Chic (tm).

4. What are four books you want to read this year?

I don't read books. Really, I don't. Magazines are a guilty pleasure of mine.

5. What are five promises you have kept to yourself?

hmmm, I used to have all these 'solemn vows' that I made to myself, now I can't remember any of them.

Monday Mission

1. How old will you be on your next birthday?

25. Old enough to rent a car.

2. One of the presents I was given for my birthday was a "George Foreman Grill." I've always joked about them, so it was kind of a joke gift. But it turns out, it is a really neat little grill. Then it hit me, this is a hot sex shows gadget, except it is for the kitchen. Then I thought about it and realized that "gadgets" aren't just techno-toys, gadgets are everywhere. What is your favorite gadget?

A spork, maybe?

3. Tell me about someone that you lost touch with several years ago. Would you like to get back in touch with them again? What caused the separation? Has enough time passed? Would you still get along?

After CJB and I broke up, we didn't talk for several years. I really respect him for having the guts to ICQ me after about 4 years. Now we are friends without all that post-breakup weirdness. It rocks!

4. I've not met many online friends in real-life (I.R.L.), but I've always assumed we'd get along great if we met. But then again, if we would since my online personality (brash, outgoing) seems so different from how I see my RL offline version (introverted). Is there a difference between your online personality and your real-life version? Or are you pretty much the same person either way?

When I was young, I was quiet, really quiet, then as I spent more time online, I came out of my shell, and I think basically I am the same weirdo both online and off.

5. Being the quiet type, I have often felt like the online adult cams world has given me a greater chance to meet people I'd never meet IRL. In fact, I would bet that I would have never met any of you IRL if we had been in the same bookstore or coffee shop. So in that sense, I think the Internet has helped inter-personal communication for many people. Can you think of any ways that the Internet hinders person-to-person communication? What could we do to change things?

People who type in l337 or sTuPiD fUcKiN cApZ and other kinds of shorthand are not helping communication. One might argue that it's simply another way English is evolving, but I think it's just stupid.

6. Last night, about 1AM I was overcome with this amazing sense of inner peace. I hadn't prayed, or done anything spiritual, yet, I felt like life was truly good and things could only get better. It seemed like I was given a mental "nudge" as if to say, "You're doing great kid, stay with it and everything will keep getting better." When was the last time you felt truly happy, or had that sense of perfect inner-peace? What does it take to get that feeling back when you need it?

Goddamn. It's been awhile.

7. There are times when I just want to tell someone off. I don't usually, since I have to work with them. Sometimes it is a family member and that would be even worse on down the road if I cut loose. If you could just verbally let loose on someone and be able to say anything you want, without repercussions, who would you say it to and what would you say?

WHAT? As if I'd post it here.

Today's Mission

1. Would you rather impress or influence others? Why? Which do you tend to do more than the other?

I would love to be a (good) influence on others, but I think I try to impress them too much. Keep in mind though, that trying to impress people definitely doesn't mean I succeed.

2. Are you able to admit your weaknesses to others? How do you handle your weaknesses (Can you accept them and see them as a strength? (Do you strive to overcome them? etc.)

I'm painfully aware of my weaknesses and I don't handle them very well.

3. How do you react when you are bossed around in live sex shows, treated as inferior or taken advantage of?

I'd treat them like shit. Actually, I tend to treat everyone like shit, so it's not like anyone is particularly special.

4. Do you live your life to meet your own needs, or do you live to meet the needs of others? Why?

No one needs me. This I am very certain of.

5. This is your Mission on Mondays, but what is your mission in life?

I don't have one. This I am very certain of as well.

6. Can you focus on your goals and achieve them, or are you sidetracked by minor distractions along the way?

No, because I don't have any goals.

7. When was the last time you cried? What were you feeling at that moment (anger, sadness, etc.)?

I don't remember, but I'm sure it was anger.

Friday Five

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?

It's naturally straight, with lots of body. Right now it's the longest I've ever had it my whole life, about an inch or two below the boob level, with a loose perm.

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?

I had a horrid short home haircut for about the first 10 years of my life, then an even more horrid super-permed chin-to-shoulder length bob until high school. During high school it was alternating long and short, but always straight and I was a hair colour virgin until I was 19. Colours that my hair have been include: various shades of red, gold, and blue. It's naturally black.

3. How do your normally wear your hair?

Up when I'm at the gym, or when it's hot or dirty, down at all other times.

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?

I'd have big, lush natural waves. I can only get that look after wrestling with a curling iron for an hour or so.

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?

The last time my mom ever touched my hair with scissors, I asked her to trim my hair to shoulder length and she butchered it to chin length. Last time I checked, I did have a neck.Anger Management

Last week, Mom, Dad and I are driving downtown and some asshat decides to make the middle of a one-way street into his personal parking lot. (i.e. stop RIGHT THERE in the middle of the street) Naturally, Dad honks him, and he ignores us, but we're right in front of a snooty restaurant with an outdoor patio and a little boy and his father start throwing crayons at our car. I open the window and tell the dad to go fuck himself. We then drive off.

Mom and I see a very old, hunched over lady trying to open a door. We stop, turn around, and run to help her with the door. Not one look, not one word of thanks. Just NOTHING.

Later, Mom and I get on a bus and the driver and a passenger are having a major shouting match. Argument ends when driver throws passenger off the bus, but yells at another passenger who presumably asked him a non-threatening question due to still being in the heat of the moment, I guess.

Fast forward 10 minutes when the second guy who got yelled at got off the bus and the driver started shouting at him as well. Mom and I are in a hurry so I yell from the back, "Would you shut the fuck up and drive, some people are in a hurry here!" Mom said I probably shouldn't have teased the already mad hornet, but there's no way he would have been able to tell who said it, on a crowded bus.

Mom tells me that maybe I should chill out, since opening the door for the lady racks up good karma points in the first place, but I am just not seeing why it's worth being courteous to all these fuckwads out there these days. So who needs anger management, me or THEM?

Perfect Day

I was in the mood for swimming today, since it was sunny and 25˚C out. The pool at my gym is in the basement, windowless, and just about the most dreary place imaginable. So I decided to go downtown to use the health club at the hotel where my dad works (5 star hotel) and catch some sun at the pool. (picture courtesy of infiltration.org)

So I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes of weights/cardio circuit as well and met up with Andy and Dan for lunch again, where I managed to resist eating any greasy fried junk and drinking pop, then drove home to teach a very pleasant lesson.

It was such a good day that it cancelled out the fact that I drove both ways in rush hour traffic.

It also totally reminded me of another day downtown with Vin the first summer he visited. Shopping, winning baseball game, perfect weather, drum guys on Yonge St.

I'm all nice and relaxed and sunsleepy...mmmh

Tonight my teacher and I had a little recital for our students. It was the world's shortest recital, 16 students playing and we were done in well under 30 minutes. They were so cute playing.

Now I'm going to OD on Reactine and hope it takes out some of the inflammation, heat and itching from that damn mosquito bite. Anyone have any miracle after bite remedies? I want to hear them!